Strike

What can I give myself besides the love I crave?

I repeated the phrase in my mind until it overtook me. I grabbed my laptop and started vomiting words to soothe my anxiety. I typically overwork my mind until I’m still. Paralysis sets in. Burned out and depleted.

I know I have a vision. A purpose. An intent to put my thoughts on paper. Heal my traumas and hurts by sharing my stories. In all of the screams of desire I still sit numb.

I’ve tried to give myself room and space. Grace. To allow myself time to sit still and convalesce. But in this moment of quiet, I feel I should be hustling. Craving. Hunting for the next chapter.

But what do you do when you have so many intentions drowning in your mind? When you’ve hustled and grinded. Auditioned for the world only get the part as a supporting actress in some of the most bat shit plays.

Burn out is when you have places to go but you’ve deposited bits and pieces of yourself in the places you’ve been. You need time for recovery. To gather new bits. To re-sculpt a new David.

But the world presses around you. Work still wants your undivided attention. You’re still expected to grind as if you’re whole.

For now I’ll sit with myself. Continue to surround myself in emotional bubble wrap as I navigate through this season. Assess new goals. Look at road maps until it’s time for me to strike.